Leadership is influence, pure and simple. (LAW #2)
A leader’s potential is determined by those closest to him. (Law #11)
John Maxwell
My kindergarten teacher tried to flunk me. Really, she did try, only it was not an option as kindergarten itself was an option. There was no requirement to ‘pass’ kindergarten to go to first grade. She made her best effort to convince my mother that I was not ready for school, that I should be held back, until I was better behaved. I don’t know. Do you think hiding in the girls room and coloring my finger nails red with crayon so I could make a splashy entrance is such bad behavior? Is it so weird for a middle child, about to be five minutes early to class, to camp under a bush in her stunning Witch costume for Halloween so she can make a late dramatic entrance? I remember one girl was such an impressive artist that she got to continue working on her painting while the rest of us had to take our nap. OOOhhh, I was so envious of that, I tried for the rest of the year to be a brilliant artist, just so I could stand out like that. Actually, maybe it was the fact that I knocked that David kid off the top of the jungle gym when he got up there first that really set up the obviously unfair judgement cast on my creativity and clearly developing leadership skills. Perhaps the teacher was right. My mother responded with one word: Nonsense!
I remember being suspended from first grade. I think that is an honor not many little girls earn at the age of six. I got a RED CHECK mark in Deportment. The Mother Superior sent my mother and I home with the statement: Don’t bring her back until she learns to behave! All of the details about what I had done, and not done, will be saved perhaps for another time. Just allow me to say–I refused to allow my teacher to spank me, as she had spanked each child in the class for general bad behavior. I refused to allow it. Oh, it was not an objection to corporal punishment. NO. It was simpler than that. THAT DAY, I had made a conscious choice to be good. Many another day, I would have lain across her lap and accepted her ping pong paddle on my popo. BUT THIS DAY….NO WAY! I refused stalwartly. And in my refusal, my BFF, went along with me. Do any of you know Robin Sasso? If so, Have her get in touch with me. Robin followed my lead, refused to be spanked and was suspended with me although as the ring leader, it really was my faulty influence. She did none of the additional actions that I did following my initial refusal.
Actually, I guess to make my point, I will have to share some of the gory details. I don’t know what got into me after the nun agreed not to spank me. Did any of you know Mother St. Mel? I imagine she was quite bewildered as to how to deal with me because I couldn’t tell her why getting spanked today was truly unjust with out revealing that I definitely defied the rules most days of the week. Instead of spanking me, she pulled my desk to beside hers in front of the class. I stubbornly refused to uptake the class activity that had to do with finding vowels in a newspaper and circling them. Again, I was unable to express why I wouldn’t but it had to do with the fact that I had forgotten to bring my newspaper to class. How dumb of me—absolutely unacceptably stupid to forget your newspaper. My teacher figured out my lack of paper and offered me some–there were stacks of it. How could I explain to her that it wasn’t MY newspaper? So, I refused. Then, after a few minutes of sitting in front of the class, she abruptly moved me to the back of the class, with my back turned to the audience…er….classmates. I guess I was disturbing …..er….influencing my classmates.
A few more minutes go by and suddenly I hear my BIG sister’s voice…Wow! They sent for Wendy who was in FOURTH grade. Guess I was somehow causing increasing distress in my class room as I sat quietly facing the back wall. Now that’s some influential radiant Power! Shortly there after, my mother and I were sitting in front of Mother Superior.
Life wasn’t pretty when I came home. I was forced into isolation for days on end. I had no access to my four siblings, to Robin, to television, to anything but meals eaten in solitary confinement. I was traumatized by loneliness. All I had was a stack of newspaper and a pencil and a directive to circle vowels. Apparently after eons of time in isolation-three long days to be precise, my little pixie haired carrot top came crawling contritely out of my room, loaded with leaded newspapers(You try circling vowels -there are a lot!) in hand and said “Mommy, I promise to behave.”
What drove this stubborn rebellious six year old to capitulation? Well, it beats life without an audien….er…influe…er….pow…er…an education.
Mother St. Mel to my mother: Well, you know, Mrs. Bersbach, it’s April and Lisa will probably have to repeat first grade. I don’t think she’s learned anything. She hasn’t paid attention all year.
My MOM: NONSENSE!
Well, apparently Robin too was in a “time out” in her room but under different conditions. She had television and visiting privileges and returned unreformed and ready to stir up trouble again.
Why, I had to redefine my inner circle at that moment in time. No more antics. Eliminate any behavior that will remove you from your peeps and cultivate a following that is wiling to grow with you.
I scored the highest grades on the “achievement” test in the class and was pretty much an honor roll student until college (that’s another story) but still had a great deal to learn that no school taught. I did develop the ability to influence people. I had never dealt with that loneliness thing-that ability to lead yourself when left alone. I never understood how to have value if I wasn’t influencing someone else. In fact, I dove so deeply into the Law of Influence, I defined my entire identity by the influence I had on others. My desire to influence was driven by fearful desperation to establish my value. Ultimately, I put my own life in danger by bringing dangerous people into my inner circle and nearly crippled myself, just to avoid being lonely.
I don’t know if I will ever get over being lonely!
NONSENSE! My inner mom says.
Being able to influence with noble intent is an act of true leadership. I must first influence myself with self acceptance. We must add value to our selves-you must put the oxygen mask on yourself, to truly cultivate a community, an inner circle of influential leaders and to add value to others. The very act of redefining your own self esteem adds value to each person you encounter and subsequently lead each and every day. What is your highest reason to lead yourself, your peers, those in authority above you, and those who rely upon you? To where are you leading everyone?
