I am having fun sharing this metaphor with you – What if your life is a movie and each element in making that movie is a part of you? Who is the Stunt Player in you who faces your fears and takes action? In Parts 1-3 we discovered several ideas that are expanded here, so please do read or review those earlier posts to fill in the images that help this movie make sense for you. It’s all about understanding and transforming fear into service for a happier life.
I had a tendency to attract a Best Friend nearly everywhere I went. All my life movies were buddy films. A “She”, and later a “He”, would be my compatriot in my antics. Her name might change but she was always like a built-in audience appreciating my “daredevil” nature. Her excitement helped me get that high that I was looking for.
Were my sidekicks two-alarmers kindling my flame? Maybe. I think Robin who got suspended with me, per episode 3, was a two. She continued to be a bit naughty after I agreed to behave but was nowhere near the disturbance I had been.
It is curious to me as I look back that I suspect some of my BF’s were silent-alarmers. They were easily excited and were quite entertained by my antics. Silent-alarmers are happy living vicariously. They are mysteriously drawn to the flame. The relationships obviously burn out.
One reason the relationship lasts at all is because of the silent alarmers‘ sensitivity, their fears, can get so high they get out of control. They are responding to alarms no one else hears. They become a five-alarm stimulation that is dangerous and thus enticing to this five-alarm gal.
I had a BF when I was a just out of college, acting in a theatre company in New York. She was a juvenile brittle diabetic. When her insulin went out of balance, she was crazy wild. Out of control. But if I could get her to drink a glass of Orange Juice, she would come back to balance long enough to take her shot. I could be her savior.
And, in those moments, I was the moth; she was the flame. I was the dull peace-bearer.
I was co-dependent. I began to base my sense of self-worth by my success or failure to help others manage their fears.
I am hoping you can start to see here how one’s need for stimulation can create chaos, regardless of what your threshold is. Fear is one of two things that makes us really know we are alive. If I feel fear, I must be alive. LOVE is the other thing.
We live in a society that markets fear for its living. All of our advertising is fear driven, our news shows, and our culture of terror. There is a lot more advertising and media dedicated to fear than love.
Our addictions are dwelling in fear. Our phone habits are about our fear. Our politics are about fear.
We need to cultivate our inner stunt folks, to dare to face the fear and use their love of skill, mastery of science, faith in good and passion for the art of the movie of life.
Share with me how you are cultivating your inner stunt player, gathering the skills to tackle your fears with a well thought out safety plan. Ask me questions.
Next episode, we will look at how different responses to fear are critical to our survival: do we fight, flee, freeze or fold?
Remember…our happy ending of the series is aiming to help you fear less and love more.